You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
