he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i came on her dog
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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