based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
