then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
