I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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