all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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