oh god the rape fog is back!
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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