well you can't waste a boner
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
