He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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