Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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