eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
