all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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