I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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