We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
