Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
