I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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