Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
