I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
