i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
