I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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