It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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