This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
