flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
