she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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