the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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