Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
