She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I can't trust your balls anymore.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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