You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
