DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
