I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize