I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
