2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
