everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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