Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
