guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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