Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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