i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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