i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
