so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
