what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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