And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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