woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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