So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
