Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
