The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
