she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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