She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
