On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
