I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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