WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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