I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
