Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
