Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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