I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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