i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
People in love make me want to vomit
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
