The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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