I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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