I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Randomize
