well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
