dude i'm inner monologue high
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
