Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
