So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize