Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
