so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
