His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
