yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
