That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize