I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
