omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
