She's the barista slut.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
