She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
