your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
