You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
you inspire me to be a worse person
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I need water and some morals
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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