The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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