just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
