I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
where are you?
Hypothermia
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
