I just threw up on my dentist
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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