Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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