I can't watch pbs sober anymore
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
