i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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