The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
