She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
