I'm eating all of the evidence.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
